Basic
Free/orb
- One respawn per incident
- Claim logged, denied by default
- No adjuster assigned
The cat has never read a rate schedule.
Trading-desk risk instrument
The orb calls the market. The cat calls it off the desk.
Orbcat sits on a pedestal and issues confident calls all day. It has never survived a single shift. This is what happens every time, freeze-framed.
Policy holder of record
POLICY_NOT_YET_UNDERWRITTEN
Tap plaque to copy
Filed the instant it happened.
- Orb integrity
- 0%
- Insurance claims filed
- 1
- Time since last incident
- 0:00
How coverage works
Three steps, denied the same way every time
-
01
The orb calls it
Violet swirl, confident glass, one unverified reading. The desk treats it as settled.
-
02
The cat reviews it
A paw enters from the corner. No hearing, no notice period, one swipe and the call is off the table.
-
03
The claim gets filed
Paperwork opens, a reason gets typed in, and the policy's own exclusions clause covers exactly this. Denied.
Declarations page · full policy text
The policy, exactly as written
Orbcat carries one document per orb. Read it before filing. The desk already has, every time, and it has not changed the outcome once.
Covered
- Loss of orb integrity from a single documented paw strike
- Damage sustained while the orb was actively mid-call
- One full respawn per incident, at no charge to the desk
- Cosmetic cracking that accumulates across a shift
- Any fall a plaque inspector can visually confirm happened
Not covered
- Claims filed after the cat was, on record, already warned
- A second strike landing while the first claim is under review
- Losses to anyone who traded on the orb's last reading
- Cracks that predate this policy taking effect
- The cat, its whereabouts, or its stated future intentions
The exclusions above are not a loophole in the coverage. They are the coverage. The covered list is what makes the denial in the claims log read as a decision instead of a formality.
Rate schedule
Three tiers, one outcome
Each tier is priced on a different schedule. None of them change what happens when the cat crosses the desk.
Most filed
Standard
Paid/orb
- Everything in Basic
- A denial reason with a paragraph attached
- Crack overlay recorded permanently in the log
The denial just reads better out loud.
Premium
Priced on request/orb
- Everything in Standard
- A named adjuster signs the denial
- Priority row placement in the claims log
The adjuster has a name now. The result does not move.
Adjuster's case file · selected entries
Claims journal
The live log below counts every fall. These four are the ones the adjuster sat down and actually wrote up.
-
Case 0114
The 9:31 call
The orb read a breakout at 9:31 sharp. The desk started typing up the trade. By 9:32 the cat had already crossed the table and the reading was face-down on the floor. Adjuster's note: "orb was correct, briefly."
-
Case 0129
The warning that did not take
A sticky note went up beside the pedestal reading DO NOT TOUCH THE ORB. The cat sat next to it for eleven minutes, read it or did not, and knocked the orb off anyway. Filed under: warning acknowledged, warning ignored.
-
Case 0147
The double claim
One fall, two policies on file: one for the orb, one for the pedestal underneath it. Only one claim can pay out per incident. In practice, neither did.
-
Case 0162
The clean getaway
No witnesses that time. Just a pedestal, an empty ring of dust where the orb used to sit, and one cat asleep three feet away with a paw tucked under its chin. The claim was denied on the grounds that a sleeping cat is not evidence of anything.
Sample record · illustrative log, not a live claims system
Claims log
| Time | Incident | Damage | Status |
|---|
Answers on file
Frequently asked, rarely resolved
Is the cat covered under this policy?
No. The cat is the peril this policy is written against, not a policyholder on it. A claim filed against the cat directly is not a covered action under any tier.
Can the orb be moved somewhere the cat cannot reach?
Every relocation attempt on record ended with the orb back on the same pedestal within the hour. The desk stopped trying after the third move and filed that as an operating cost instead.
Why does the orb keep going back up after every fall?
The desk needs a reading, and the only orb on hand is this one. Respawning it is faster than rebuilding the desk's whole process around not having one.
Does the crack pattern affect the orb's accuracy?
The desk reads a cracked orb exactly as confidently as a clean one. Accuracy was never really the variable anyone here was testing.
Has the cat ever missed?
Once, according to the desk's own memory of that day, which the claims log above trusts about as much as it trusts everything else on this page.